I guess something is going to happen...

I cant care
I cant control
I cant stop
I cant do anything by watching it happen soon... I cant get angry, i cant sad, i cant take it

I stop myself for doing it but i still do it... Is love that powerfull can control people do beyond themself? Im juz very stupid, I wanna give up but i cant do it... I can feel they are something is pulling me to do wad im not suppose to do... i know and i've got alot of advice, i know wad is right and wad is wrong to do... I know im 18 this year, im big enough to think... i know study is important, i know she's gone and will never be back, i know we must think positive, i know i must not waste time, i know i know i know everything i know... But i duno y i cant do it? This shows that im strong or im weak?? I can say im week, i cant control my emotional, things can pull myself dwn juz a "flick" I need to know how to be strong... Must i need that much time to forget? sumtimes i feel like hit somthing on my head so that i can forget everything in pass... I know it sounds stupid, crazy and insane... I wont do that and never do that but i feel like doing it... haiz...

Can i trust again? Can i still accept lies from myself? can i still control myself for not being too into it? I dun wan to be serious... I wan to change to be a better man a more mature guy... Nobody can help me but myself, juz need time... 1 year? say yes if the will power is there...